1. DON’T feel obligated to Make a Sibling a Maid or Man of Honor

-This role should go to the person who knows you best, and will be the most reliable to be by your side throughout the entire wedding journey–both emotionally and physically, and if that person ISN’T a sibling, that’s okay!

-It really comes down to what kind of relationship you have with your sibling, but it’s totally okay to choose a friend instead and include your sibling in another part of the day. 

  1. DON’T feel pressured to even have a wedding party if it forces you to choose people you aren’t close to!

-Quality over quantity!

-You may have a big group text of old friends, and you may feel inclined to include all of them, but there may only be one person in that group that you actually still hang out with–same with cousins and relatives that you only see at holidays. 

-Just because someone has been a part of your life for a long time doesn’t mean they need to be in your wedding party–keep it to your closest friends and family.

-Think about who’s been the biggest part of your life throughout your relationship, and who would be a supportive and reliable wedding party member!

-There are plenty of other meaningful ways to honor friends and family instead of including them in the wedding party: You can ask them to wear a certain color palette, include them in pre-wedding events, ask them to be a ceremony reader or give them a special dance during the reception.

  1. DO have a “planner” in the wedding party

-A wedding party is there to support you on your big day, and they will also be in charge of organizing events like bachelor and bachelorette parties and helping to coordinate wedding day attire. 

-Add at least one friend to your group that you know you can rely on for those planning tasks. 

-There’s lots to coordinate, and managing everyone’s schedules and personalities shouldn’t have to fall solely on the couple. 

-Designate at least one friend who will run point on those major events and logistics, so you can breathe a little bit and put your energy into other important planning tasks.

Once you have your crew, a mix of of personalities can be CHALLENGING

YOU love and get along with everyone in your wedding party, but they might not all mesh together. Don’t let any tension or drama interfere with your mood and take away from your wedding experience.

If there is drama:

  1. Get Support From Someone Not Involved in the Drama

-Don’t feel like you have to handle the situation entirely on your own. 

-Ask a neutral third party–maybe another wedding party member–to step in and have a conversation to try to cool off the situation. The two parties don’t have to agree in the end, but they just need to keep their issues and negativity out of the wedding and pre-wedding journey.

-This is another important reason to have a wedding planner. The planner can act as a neutral third party and will be available on the wedding day to handle any conflicts that come up between wedding party members.

  1. Have a One-on-One Conversation

-If you do feel comfortable being the one to step in, it may be beneficial to have a private conversation to let the friend or friends know–gently–that they are bringing down the mood! 

-Have an actual face-to-face conversation–not a text back and forth!

-A little empathy can go a long way! Try to find out what the underlying issue is with this person–presumably a close friend or family member. Maybe they’re feeling left out or feeling down about other personal issues going on, and are taking their feelings out on the group. 

-Let them know that you’d like to resolve the issue ASAP, but be careful not to place any blame or make accusations. Keep it lighthearted and let them know that you’ve been noticing some tension and wanted to see if there’s anything you can do to help improve things.

  1. Worst case scenario, but it could be necessary: don’t be afraid to change the wedding party

-Your bridal party is supposed to support you during one of the most important experiences of your life. If someone is really making the overall experience unpleasant for you and the others, gently explain that you can’t have that person bringing the drama as a wedding party member anymore.

-Offer up the option for them to step back from their wedding duties. Maybe they’re having a hard time getting along with everyone but are afraid that you’ll be mad if they back out:  start that conversation with something like “I can see this has been really hard for you, would you prefer to have an alternative role in the wedding?”

-Make sure you’ve tried to solve the problem before choosing the “nuclear” option. If you’ve exhausted all options and the person still refuses to change, let them know that having them in your wedding party isn’t working out. 

-Be prepared that your friendship may be affected, however, if they’re a “friend” who is constantly making things difficult for you, they might not be the friend you still want.

For more advice go to: Brides.com