“Confidence comes from a Latin word that means “to trust.” And to me, that’s what true confidence is, trusting in yourself. Trusting in your own worth and ability to handle what comes your way.” said Lowey.
She went on to say “The most confident people I know are almost magnetic because they are so authentically themselves. They know their strengths, they accept and manage their weaknesses, and they believe that what they bring to the world is important — even if they aren’t the smartest, most attractive, or most socially adept.”
Lowey believe when it comes to confidence many times people stand in their own way.
“When it comes to confidence, we are our own steepest mountain to climb. We often carry with us a set of core beliefs that inhibit us from moving through the world with a sense of quiet confidence. These beliefs are often, “I should,” “I can’t,” and “I’m not worthy.” Let’s break these down.” said Lowey.
Lowey provided three areas to examine to build confidence:
• First, “I should.” This can show up as, “I should know how to do this,” or even, “I should be more confident.” Take some time to challenge these beliefs, which are often rooted in comparison. Remember that, like you, each person is moving through the world with a unique set of experiences, strengths, and resources. To compare yourself to any other human is kind of like uprooting a rainforest vine, planting it in the desert, and asking why it’s not thriving. Be gentle with yourself and reconnect with your strengths. Ask yourself, “What is your superpower?” And do more of that.
• Now let’s tackle, “I can’t.” When we haven’t had success with something yet — or have experienced a failure in the past — we can tend to get stuck in “I can’t.” When this happens, I like to replace “I can’t” with “I won’t” to remind myself that it’s a choice I’m making and then gently get curious about what’s stopping me from trying. Questions that can be helpful include, “What pain am I trying to avoid?” — usually it’s an old wound from our past showing up. But don’t stop there. The next step is to identify what we need and want. Ask, “What do I need in order to feel more comfortable trying?” What you need could be more information, more support, or simply more perspective. Maybe it’s just trusting that even if we don’t have all of the information or know how it’s going to turn out, we will be able to navigate through any situation. Identifying our needs helps us move from a stuck mindset to hope and action.
• Finally, let’s examine, “I’m not worthy.” We all grew up in a society where we were judged by a set of criteria set by someone else. We were asked to prove our worth through how we performed on tests, what kind of job we got, etc. To fight, “I’m not worthy,” we need to detach from the mindset that we have to fight to measure up to someone else’s expectation. We don’t have to try to be everyone’s cup of tea — not everyone has the same taste! Instead, we can allow ourselves to attune to what is innate within us that is unique, valuable, and worthy. There has never been someone exactly like you on this earth, and there never will be again. Connect with the qualities inside you that will contribute in positive ways to the world around you, and let those shine through. When you allow your true self to shine through, you find the people and opportunities that are right for you. And you also implicitly give others permission to shine as their authentic selves, and that is a beautiful thing.